Days 33-35 - the beauty that lies....

I've been thinking a lot about beauty lately.

The other night, I had a hair and makeup trial with a makeup/hair artist, and I found myself wondering why I was doing that.

Do I equate self worth with outer beauty? Am I only pleased with myself if I think that my looks meet some sort of standard? What is that standard, and how did it come to be? When did I start to be so focused on how I look?

Yet, it's 'normal' to want to be seen as beautiful, especially on your wedding day. It's the number one thing that brides are complimented on, and the media apparently has the recipe for achieving this beauty... the perfect dress, shoes, hair, makeup, makeup primer, accessories, a proper diet, workout routine, and maybe even body slimmer together equate a stunning bride.

And you know what? I beg to differ.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am absolutely one of those women that wants to look fabulous on their wedding day, as clearly evidenced by this blog. But I don't think that the beauty that I'm seeking will come solely from anything external. It is not The Dress that will make or break me, nor does my beauty depend on the amount of skin exfoliation that I do prior to the big day. It largely depends on what lies within me. If I look lovely on my wedding day, it certainly will not be because I've worked out for 54 days straight (which I haven't) or logged calories faithfully for a month (I may have neglected that as well). It will be because I am surrounded by people that I love and that love me (especially Tyler!), and because of the joy that is inside of me, that will come pouring out like caramel sauce at Starbucks. And those things bring the kind of beauty radiates out from within, which no amount of makeup or shimmer powder can recreate.

So you know what I say to all of those magazines and TheKnot articles that promise to hold the key to beauty? I say that they are lies! My mantra to myself? Go ahead, Kate, hire your makeup artist, make your hair styled just so... search for the dress and find those special shoes that you feel like a princess in. But don't forget to cherish the time that you have with your friends and family... wrap yourself up in their love like a comfy blanket (a snuggie, perhaps), and keep all the external things in perspective. For without these people, there would be no wedding, no need for a fancy dress or special music.

Day 1 - the experiment begins

In exactly 54 days, I will be walking down the aisle. I said walking, not waddling. At least I hope.

I've been struggling with my weight and fitness level for several years now. "Kate, you look great!" is what I always hear when/if I share about this. But I don't, not really. I'm about 25 pounds over what I would like to be - and I bet you women out there can relate to this. 25 pounds is just enough to make you feel gross without looking totally gross. To the untrained eye, I may look like I'm just a bit chubby, slightly big boned, or, my favorite, curvy.

Over the past 6 or so months, I've stepped up my workouts, lost some weight, went on a 3 week long vacation, gained some weight, came back home, counted calories, drank wine, ate fried food, ate salads, worked out some more, and pretty much look exactly the same. I love all things sweet and salty. I'm the girl that eats a lean cuisine and adds salt to it. I was at the dentist yesterday and they gave me an oh, so delicious chocolate chip cookie cup with peanut butter in the center because they know I love sweets so much. The dentist, people. This means something is wrong.

What in the world will make a difference? I'm not sure, but I have an inkling that blogging from now until the wedding will help with motivation, and hopefully provide some warped sense of accountability.

Here's my challenge.
54 days.
54 workouts.
54 days of eating right 90% of the time, with some room for the occasional delicious meal out (like an anniversary dinner with my fiance this weekend!).
54 blog entries.
And 54 supporters!
Are you with me?

Please?